Your Circle Sets Your Marital Circumference

Updated: Feb 25, 2019

As a kid growing up in Southern Virginia, I spent a lot of time with my grandmother Minnie. My grandmother was a kind hearted woman with little formal education but immeasurable wisdom and generosity. I will never forget when she said to me that she could always tell one’s future by the people that you hang around today. Though spoken to me many decades ago, these words remains etched in my consciousness.


In the personal development space, one of the most frequently quoted maxims is “You are the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time”—a quote that is almost always attributed to the master motivator, Jim Rohn.  


One thing is certain, my grandmother and Jim Rohn never met; yet, their message is the same. The people in your circle ultimately determine the circumference of your influence. Phrased another way, you become the company that you keep.


This message is highly undervalued among Christian marriages. All Christian marriages are not equal—just as all Christians are not the same. Yes, we all profess Christ as Savior. However, that is pretty much where the uniformity ends. 


Here are four questions to ask yourselves to glimpse the uniqueness of your marriage:


  • What is possible for you to become as a Christian couple?

  • What unique synergy do you possess as husband and wife?

  • What will you create that no one else can?

  • Who will you reach that has be unreachable to everyone else? In other words, when your earthly time is finished, what will be the full circumference of influence you wield as a couple.


Many of us Christians talk about the exponential influence of two people in unity when we look at verses such as Deuteronomy 32:30, “How could one have chased a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight”. However, we rarely consider the multiplicative power of a married couple committed to godliness. As a unified team, the Christian couple possesses immeasurable power. The question is whether we have the people in our lives to unleash that potential from within. 


As a psychologist, I strongly believe that you cannot achieve what you cannot see. This is true for you as an individual and for your marriage. 


After working with couples for more than a decade and writing multiple books on the topic, I am convinced that a Christian couple never knows what’s possible for them without external forces pulling that potential out of them. Sometimes, the external pull comes from people such as mentors who have your best interests at heart. At other times, the pull comes from critics who test the fibers of your marriage which is why the Psalmist David pens of God, “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies” (Psalm 23:5). Even Jesus Christ selected a traitor (Judas) to be among his chosen twelve disciples. 


If we are to become Christian couples that turn the world upside down for the gospel of Christ, we need to “level up”. You have to change the circle of couples that sow into your life. You cannot spend all of your time “giving back” to struggling couples. Yes, this is an important aspect of ministry. But, you have to spend more time with couples that are where you want to go and less time with couples who are comfortable where you left. Yes, I know this is hard to accept. It sounds insensitive to leave friends and family behind. But, here’s the reality. Every Kingdom-focused marriage must leave the comfort zone behind.


When you choose a Kingdom path, most of your current friends will not go with you. You have a choice to keep moving forward or to regress. There are usually multiple paths forward. But, there is only one path backwards—fear. You and I must embrace the words that God gave to Abram at the beginning of Abrahm's calling (Genesis 15:1), "Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.” 


Can I encourage you as well that as you move into your potential as a couple that your reward shall be very great?


Who is a married couple that models who you want to become and want you desire to achieve in your marriage?  What makes them your role model?


Today, one of the saddest things I hear from  couples is the lack of role model marriages in their lives. These couples describe their journey as as lacking anything remotely close to a thriving “one flesh” marriage described in scripture (Genesis 2:24).    


I am determined to surround my marriage with power couples who challenge me to raise my game as a Christian husband.


So what characteristics do you look for in a power couple. Here are some suggestions offered by Focus on the Family that applies to marriages and individuals. But, I also would like to offer you the five questions that I personally assess when considering a power couple who I would like to get to know.


  • Do I consistently see Christ evident in the way they interact with one another and to others?

  • How big is their vision for what they want to accomplish for the Kingdom and are they consistently acting on it?

  • How generous are they to others and what type of investments do they make in others?

  • What do they produce that offers value to others?

  • How transparent are they with the good and the bad stuff of life?


One day I will stand before the Lord who holds the Lamb’s Book of Life. I will give an account for the life that was gifted me. I relish that day when I will hear the Father say “well done, my good and faithful servant”.


To my mind, the manner in which I steward my marriage to Dalia is a critical aspect of how God blesses my life on earth and in the heavenly Kingdom to come. Thousands of marriages across the world depend on Dalia and my obedience to fulfill our full potential as a Christian couple. I, therefore, need to surround my marriage with the power couples that believe this reality for my marriage and for their own. 


Only in heaven will we understand the full circumference of our marital impact. But, just imagine that day in eternity when it is revealed. That glorious day in Heaven depends on with whom you surround yourself here on earth. My grandmother had it right all along. As Jim Rohn’s mentor, Mr. Earl Shoaff says “make large plans for they do have magic to stir man’s blood”. And, that is exactly what Jim Rohn did over decades. I seek to stand among those power couples who encourage and challenge me to stir the blood of marriages across generations.


I know that it can be difficult to find power couples with whom you can lock arms. That is why I am so excited to invite you to join us and other thriving couples for the Eusebeia Weekend Experience where we are in pursuit of a genuine spiritual revival for marriage. Check us out at http://www.eusebeia1000.com. It just takes one weekend to change the trajectory of your marriage.


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